Passport and Proof-Of-Life
Sue had agreed with our daughter Clare that both of us would travel to the UK in order to baby-sit our 15 month old grandson Oliver for ten days, whilst Clare and her husband Neil went to “live it up” in Las Vegas with friends.
This sounded like a challenging assignment to me. However, not wanting to be called a 'grumpy old fool' by Sue again (keeping up with someone ten years younger sometimes proves to be interesting!) ….. I got my passport out in readiness. It was then I discovered that I only had one month left in which to renew it for a further five years and that failing to do so would result in me having to stay at home by myself for ten very lonely days, so ………….. immediate action was required.
I phoned the Dutch Consulate in Torremolinos and was told to appear with two passport photographs, my old passport and sixty five euros and that my new passport would be ready in ten days, so off I went to have my photograph taken. Now in the old days, you simply went to the photo-booth at Woollies, quickly brushed your hair, smiled divinely at the camera and that was that. If you were not happy with the result you simply adjusted the smile or tilted your head the other way until you had a photograph that you were proud to have in your passport.
I must admit that I am as vain as the next person, so my cunning plan was to have one set of photographs taken, then have my hair cut and then to return to have a second set taken, thus giving me the opportunity to select the best, most charming and handsome image of myself to adorn my passport for the next five years.
Well…….life is not that simple anymore………….following are the latest standards for passport photographs:
The photographs must be:
Identical
Recent (taken within the last month)
45mm high x 35mm wide
Taken against an off-white, cream or light grey plain background
Printed on low-gloss, plain white photograph quality paper
Undamaged by creases from paperclips
Of you on your own (no toys, dummies or other people visible)
A close-up of your head and shoulders so that head, from the bottom of your chin to your crown is between 29mm and 34mm high.
The photographs must also:
Be in sharp focus and clear
Have a strong definition between the face and the background
Be printed professionally
The photographs must show:
No shadows
You facing forwards, looking straight at the camera
A neutral expression, with your mouth closed
Your eyes open and clearly visible
No reflection or glare from your glasses and frames should not cover your eyes
Your full head, without any head covering unless for religious beliefs
Nothing covering your face (nothing covers the outline of your eyes, nose, mouth)
(just an observation: no mention is made about beards, moustaches or bushy sideburns….so if you have all three and your face is completely obstructed by facial hair, is that OK and within the rules and regulations?……can you ever shave after you've had your photograph taken?…….can you grow facial hair after you've had your photograph taken?)
The photographer was completely aware of the new regulations and told me to relax, to look at the lens and to keep my lips firmly pressed together to emphasise a neutral expression, before whipping out a small, purpose made digital box camera and producing two sets of photographs that were not exactly stunning, but went a long way to portraying me as a well groomed, rather handsome sixty six year old man with a stern yet kind demeanour…………….in short the sort of photograph that you would be proud to show to your family, fellow travellers and immigration officials.
Next stop was the Dutch Consulate in Torremolinos where I completed a form, handed over my old passport, the money and two photographs. The Dutch passport lady glared at my old passport, glared at me and then glared with even greater intensity at my photographs. She frowned and asked whether the said photographs had been taken by the photographer recommended by the Consulate, who just happened to be located around the corner. I confessed that I had gone to a local photographer who was well aware of all the regulations and had assured me that the photographs complied totally to UK standards.
Wrong answer!!!!!!!!!
Out came the measuring tape together with the Dutch list of Standards for Passport Photographs:
Format is 45mm x 35mm
Width of face (from ear to ear) is between 16mm and 20mm
Head, from bottom of chin to crown between 26mm and 30mm
Point number three became my downfall (albeit by 1mm) and even after consultation with her manager I was ordered to visit 'their' photographer around the corner, pay some more money and come back with two photographs that were suitable for a Dutch passport.
I walked into quite an impressive studio and was greeted warmly by the Spanish photographer who miraculously somehow guessed that I was sent there by the Dutch Consulate. I showed her the original pictures and she agreed that they were very good and appeared to be of the right size etc. but would I please sit down so that she could do her stuff. She positioned various lights and reflectors, chose the appropriate backdrop and then produced a true monster of a digital Nikon the size of a portable TV, told me not to smile, to sit still and look at the lens………..click…….multiple flashlights went off, the camera was hooked up to a PC, software was downloaded and within minutes my picture was laying on the counter…….looking at me.
It was truly gruesome. I looked as if rigor mortis had set in weeks ago……it was by far the worst photograph of me that I had ever seen……Sue would not recognise me…..countries would refuse me entry. The photographer liked it a lot, took my money and I went back to the Consulate, ashamed of what I looked like……maybe they would reconsider their stance and allow the use of the original photographs…….I mean……what difference can 1mm make?
The two Dutch ladies, both of whom had their sense of humour surgically removed at birth, were not to be persuaded. Could I submit two sets please so that they could use the ones on which I looked alive and well and only use the rigor mortis ones if all measuring failed? It was not to be so. I was sent on my way and told to come back in ten days to collect my new passport…….oh what joy!
Two weeks later Sue found out that one of my pension payments had not taken place and could I please call the company concerned to find out why. I did so and was told that they had sent a letter to my old address in the UK in which they asked for 'proof of life' to ensure that they were not paying money to a dead person. The new owner of our house in the UK, who hates me because he felt that I should have fixed some creaking floorboards before moving out, obviously got his revenge by not forwarding the letter, so my pension payments had come to an abrupt end.
Agreement was reached that I would receive the appropriate form in Spain and that I would get my doctor to sign it, signifying that I am still alive and well and return the signed document to the pension company. As soon as I received the document I went to see my doctor, armed with my new passport, residencia papers, NIE documents and driving licence……just in case.
The receptionist greeted me with a warm 'hello Mr van de Water, how are you today?' I replied that I was fine and that I would like to see the doctor please so that he could sign a proof-of-life document and stamp it for authenticity. 'But the doctor is not here today' I was told and could I please come back on Monday. I said that this was not a very good day for me and could he please stamp the document so that I could return it to the pension company? 'But I am not the doctor, he replied, I can't sign on his behalf.' I told him that I understood his dilemma and that all I wanted was the doctor's stamp……did he agree that I was alive? He smiled and said 'yes you are alive, but I can't really help you, you need to see the doctor on Monday.'
I then produced my passport in order to prove to him that, not only was I alive, but I was also who I said I was……..Peter van de Water. Out of politeness he opened my passport, looked at my photograph, then at me and sadly shook his head saying 'but that is not you.’
Peter Van de Water
