With the new season just about to start, it was time to blow off the Cobwebs with a friendly game match in Nerja
After our reasonably successful summer tournament in the Cómpeta 7-a-side it was back to the serious business of preparing for the new season in the FA League.
Due to the fact our new 'sponsors', The Grapevine in the form of Steve 'Roman' Twiselton and Helen 'Karen Brady' Twiselton, had splashed out on a new kit last season funds were light and thus no major close season signings had been made. Our recent training session had yielded some extra cash due to the impressive turnout but €15 wasn't going to go very far. It would only pay Manchester City's Robinho's wages for 1 minute.
To get ourselves back in shape and fit for the season a friendly had been arranged against The Victoria from Nerja. It was arranged at a late date and unfortunately I was already committed to an evening out with friends to celebrate somebody's birthday. Now, I have been sworn to secrecy and not say whose birthday it was. Maybe a feeling of some responsibility was felt as you'll see later but of course being honourable I'll stick to my promise.
We had always said that this season we would take the football and our preparation more seriously so we could compete. The memory of our final match victory last season was to be the catalyst. However, old habits die hard and despite selecting what I thought was a suitable pre-match diet of fish salad to start and fillet steak for protein it all fell down on the 8 pints of lager and getting home at 4am. As we were meeting at 10am, suddenly the previous night didn't seem quite such a good idea. The nearest we had to a new signing was the appearance of Vinny, who had had a run out in the 7-a-side tournament. Luckily, he came free and so long as we buy him a beer after the match his wages weren't an issue.
The Campo de Nerja had a new roof on the touchline stand when we arrived, which somehow I felt was more to stop the ball going over the wall into the river bed than spectators' comfort. We were a little light on a squad due to injuries and unavailability so we had to ask Mick, who normally acts as referee, if he would come out of retirement and help us out at 61. “I SAID, WILL YOU COME OUT OF RETIREMENT AND HELP US OUT, MICK?” Dean Windass you're having a laugh, we've got a real granddaddy of football. As it happened we needed a ref anyway so Mick was quickly retired again with a golden handshake, a carriage clock and he was back in his familiar role. The quickest comeback and retirement in football.
The Victoria looked a very different team than last year – younger and fitter than us. Rumour had it they'd been training all summer so this could be a tough friendly. Our defence consisted of Simon with strapped knees, Damo taking painkillers before the match and myself still sobering up from the night before. We were hoping the two guys warming up by doing sub ten second 100m sprints weren't their strike force.
The whistle went for the start of the match (well kind of except Mick didn't bring it as he thought he'd just be watching) and we were off. Sam was tested early on with a few shots, which he kept out admirably including a point blank effort from their forward. In my state I was sure there were two forwards looking identical and both kicking the ball. A few short sprints in defence and I was suddenly awake and coming to. OK, sprints might be stretching it a bit but you get the idea.
Sam and Vinny were trying to get it together up front for us supported by Euan, Phil, Tom and Santi in midfield. For regular readers of the football reports, of which we have many judging by the amount of queries I get as to when we're next playing and how the training's going, we interrupt this report for a quiz. Using your knowledge of previous reports how does this match pan out? Is it:-
A – We started off well and managed to hold our own before they broke away and score making it 1-0
or
B – We started off well and something happened which hadn't happened before, we broke away and scored to make it 1-0?
Yes, you've got it, answer A. New season, new intentions, new kit, same old pattern. True to form the first goal was followed by a second and then before half-time they got a third and we went into the break 3-0 down. As it was a warm day and following my previous night's excesses I had been losing liquid as I perspired. Judging by the colour and the fact it was fizzing out I reckon I'd got rid of about five of the eight pints I'd had. Water intake was well overdue.
I know I've said this many times before in previous reports but we hadn't actually played that badly. Age and fitness had something to do with it. As we had no substitutes the team was to stay as was, which meant young Tom might actually play a full match. He had been playing well but having just turned 21 he must have been feeling the pace. Youngsters, they just make 'em like they used to.
We came out for the second half with the sun on our backs, which we thought would give us an advantage. Maybe it did because it wasn't long before we reduced the deficit as Tom finished off what had been a well worked move. We had spotted early in the match that perhaps their keeper wasn't the best but we hadn't really tested our theory. It was this time and he failed or passed, which ever way you look at it. Phil was starting to feel it a bit in midfield as his back started to give him problems. He'd done a lot of running in midfield but he was struggling. Damo was still going in for every tackle like his life depended on it despite his recovering shin splints The Ibuprofen he took before the match was working well but was he to suffer later? With a few clearance headers and too much blood in my alcohol stream, Ibuprofen was something I could have done with.
They managed to stretch their lead again as they made it 4-1 before Damo's altercation with their winger who'd only come on at half-time. After a tackle there was a coming together as their player protested at Damo. Heads came close, which Mick thought was enough of a butt attempt on Damo and their chap got his marching orders. So much for a so called 'friendly' match. Down to ten men we perhaps thought we had a chance to come back. Unfortunately, we were giving the ball away in midfield too often. Gaps were appearing and despite being a man to the good they still managed two more goals and we were 6-1 down.
Just before the end Tom worked hard through the middle and as he got to the edge of their box he looked as though he was going to lose possession. He kept battling and won back the ball before slotting it into the net. It was a good solo effort so late in the game and he celebrated in front of our travelling throng of die hard fans. Tom's 90 minute showing had earned him two goals and Man of the Match.
I managed to finish the match sober and so to The Victoria bar for post-match refreshments. The tuna sandwiches were welcome and much needed fodder but I struggled with my lager shandy!
Not a good example to set when one is being touted as a possible candidate for a player/manager role. You always know your playing career is in its twilight when the word 'manager' is tagged onto 'player' and if I carry on like that it might get replaced totally with 'die hard fan'. I don't think I let anyone down but the first competitive match report should read, “Good first effort but could do better and 'Chopper' must get to bed the night before the match, not that morning, with a cup of hot cocoa”
Alick “Chopper” Howard
